The Election

For the first time in our nation’s history, we’ve elected a President with zero military or political experience. There’s no military track record to examine his strategies for securing our nation’s security domestically or internationally or public policy record to ensure that his proposed policies are in line with his past initiatives. This is not an opinion but a fact.

How did we get to this electoral outcome? We’ve sensationalized questionable rhetoric by sharing “funny” memes– creating a reverse grassroots social media campaign. At times, the campaign spotlight shifted from issues at hand emphasizing outfit choices or hairstyles rather than highlighting policy or proposed agendas. We’ve shamed voters on both sides of the campaign trail (particularly in the digital realm), publicly condemning those who expressed counter viewpoints– vilifying our right to freedom of speech, our first amendment.

It is our right to vote but our responsibility to be informed. Part of our civic duty, as a free nation, is to ask questions, to educate ourselves on the  issues from the lens of both parties. It is imperative to disseminate information, to converse about the issues, and to empower those who fear to speak their mind and to do so objectively so we are all emboldened to fight for what we believe (because it is our constitutional right to vote for what we believe is right, however, we define it). Before you condemn one party, one person or one sect of our community, I challenge you to ask yourself what you did to inform yourself and our community before you cast your ballot.  Did you listen diligently to the opposition? Did you educate those who asked questions? Did you challenge yourself to extend your knowledge of the issues?

Our Commander-in-Chief not only implements decisions that impact his/her own Executive branch but influences decisions for the House, the Senate, and the Supreme Court (with a vacant seat our President-Elect will appoint this term). Voting is not merely an act of expressing your opinion on one candidate or one party, your vote shapes the policies our government implements  both domestically and internationally.

Trump’s ascent to power extends beyond just our Presidential office. It is a reminder of the power of your voice. Whether you are extending expression through your social circle or through social platforms– be mindful of both the personal and digital imprint you create because it is POWERFUL. Any view, photo or article you express in a public forum can and will be digested publicly. What I garner from this election is a newfound responsibility to “fight for what is right because it is worth it.” But, in addition, it is a harsh reminder of my own accountability.

Trump’s nomination would not have been feasible without the advent of our  inter-connected digital community and the expression of our opinions. I think we should all take some time to reflect on what we share, why we share and how we can leverage our unique but well-articulated  insights and public forum to not only share photos of our moments etc. but to empower our community.

In regards to social media, our digital imprint is an extension of our identity, even if a photo or text is deleted or disappears (looking at you Snapchat), you are accountable for every action or message you send to your community  (nothing is EVER private or “deleted”)– it is a representation and reflection of who you are because it is who you project to your community. We have the ability to ratify, to embolden and to empower others in a way that is now instantaneous. It is a beautiful thing but be mindful of the responsibility it entails as well.

I hope we all garner new ways to leverage social media and our freedom of expression and think about the long-term ramifications of our actions before clicking send.

IT’S CALLED A BREAK UP BECAUSE IT’S BROKEN

Four years ago, when you broke up with your ex-boyfriend of over a year, you were devastated. Fresh out of a co-dependent relationship (which you hated), you were back in an independent world. A friend suggested a book, “It’s Called a Break Up Because It’s Broken.” You sobbed your way through. You called him 600 times (ok, not that much but enough, trust me). When you finally moved on, you vowed to never do it again.

Four years later, and one broken seven-month relationship later, you pulled out the same book. But, this time it felt different. Yes, you were devastated. Yes, there were tears (private tears…  ok, so maybe a few in front of your sisters, him and your mother) but there’s also the recognition of a feeling.  A gut instinct telling you this isn’t right. A voice fighting for your validation-a drive much stronger than your insecurities. Yes, you get the urge to text him. Yes, you look at your phone, hoping for an answer different than your currently reality. But, after your moment of weakness subsides, you hold fast to the truth—it’s called a break up because it’s broken. Ultimately, relationships end when two partners don’t fit. The only resolution is dissolution when two individuals can’t comprehend each other’s needs.

The man you just dated was unbelievable smart, unmatched in his determination, a generous friend/son and wickedly funny. But, a fear of change or maybe even love, kept your relationship in a stand still. Recurring fights quickly came to the surface, eclipsing many joyous moments shared. You both felt validated in your convictions. You felt justified in your stance against a title less relationship. He held fast to the current arrangement. As your relationship progressed, and his lack of commitment persevered– new insecurities eroded a shaky foundation. Minimal commitments (with momentous begging) justified absent when present time with your friends and family.

Unfortunately, he struggled with social anxiety, which is a severe and debilitating disorder. As an individual who had to overcome your own bout of social anxiety, you know how painful it can be. However, any time you brought the issue to the table, offering help or open ears, you were shunned or informed of your lack of empathy.  When you asked to be treated as a team mate, begging him to let you in, you were told you could not comprehend the pressures or demands of his career. After foregoing many plans or accommodating rescheduled/delayed date nights, you felt BEYOND offended at his accusations. In addition, after countless dates transpired into nights out on the town with his friends or co-workers, you felt annoyed at his lack of understanding of your own basic needs in a relationship. Every short coming of your relationship somehow always found its way back to your shoulders.

You both held your ground—fighting for own version of the ideal relationship, relationships shaped by different values and needs. Now, having opposing needs/desires does not make one person right or wrong. He is not wrong to fight for his convictions nor are you wrong to fight for your needs. But, when two partners can’t resolve recurring issues, the future is bleak. Sometimes we wonder, could it be different? Maybe if you  didn’t scream at him that one night, you wouldn’t be over? But, no matter how the situation unfolded, it will never change your current incompatibility. But, even when the truth comes to the light, the reality stings. You fell in love with a person (and I’m sorry to say Lu) but ultimately it didn’t work out. There’s no quick fix to overcome the pain or no potion to erase any memories. Yes, you will miss each other. Yes, you will eventually move on. No, you do not regret it. Ultimately, you will both find what you are looking for.

LIFE UNFILTERED

Hello, Lu! Yes, contrary to popular belief, you are still alive and well. Now might be a good time to address your lack of social media posts. For the first time in years, you’ve met someone incredibly special. This wonderful individual has transitioned from a friendly face to a prominent figure in your life. Now, out of respect for your relationship and their privacy, you will not disclose any revealing insights about your relationship or disclose any personal details about your partner.

Personally, I’ve always felt a strong correlation between public display and private insecurity. I think there’s a STARK difference between sharing a story and portraying a “socially acceptable” fantasy. I’ve overshared information seeking public approval. I’ve  spent countless hours agonizing over the “perfect” post. In acknowledgement of my own shortcomings as well as my  personal insecurities, I can openly  admit that my “public” life is composed of manicured moments. Moments  I’ve constructed with  filters or manipulated by omitting information. The day-to-day reality of my own life is not reflected in my “profile life.”

Secretly, I’ve always been superstitious. To be completely transparent; I’m so incredibly happy with my “unfiltered”  life that I fear sharing it. Fear might be misused. I feel a fierce need to protect it. I selfishly want to enjoy these simple but blissful private moments. For the first time, my lack of public expression is not rooted in fear but grounded in trust. A trust I’ve bestowed in a new intimate partnership. A trust I hope to maintain and expand throughout the duration of our relationship. Is my life perfect? FAR from it. But, do I feel challenged and positioned to grow in all faucets of my life (at the moment)? 100 percent. Even if my current reality curtails, crumbling before my eyes, I feel confident in my ability to pick myself back up.

So moving forward, will I air ALL my dirty laundry? No. Will I share my perspective on universal issues or feelings we all explore? 1000 percent.  Lu, I look forward to exploring a new chapter in our relationship. Until the next post, ciao!

SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN

When it comes to dating, you have to go through phases. There’s the first few dates– it’s the whole getting to know each other phase. Once you move past your first date, your first kiss and your first of many other things, you move into new territory.  So, now you’re in the phase I call, “Oh shit, I think I actually like this person.” You’re not officially dating but you’re past the beginning dates- you’re stuck in between. You start to notice little quirks and you enjoy this person’s company. So you start thinking like this, “We’re just hanging out. Wait, are we like kind of dating? Am I suppose to introduce him to my friends? What the fuck is he thinking? Do I even like this person? OMG, stop. Wait, I think I really like him. Do I even know him?”

These are called, “crazy girl thoughts.” Every girl in the WORLD has them. Whether they want to own them is their problem. So, you’re probably thinking, “Great, thanks for written narration of your own crazy. I didn’t need written confirmation. Why are you telling me this?” Glad you asked. So, here’s the deal. Everyone has encountered this conundrum before. You will encounter this situation on more than one occasion. So, what the fuck do you do when you are trying to figure out how YOU feel? Well, first of all, don’t rely on someone else to make a decision for you. Only you can decide if you like someone. The guy you’re dating can’t tell you if you like them, only you can measure that. Second, don’t rush anything. You’re trying to decide if this is someone you actually want to date (he should be so lucky, duh)—not the other way around. Remember- no one is perfect. The more you get to know someone, the more you are going to notice their habits, their communication style and their intentions. That being said, don’t look for excuses to bounce—I know you. When you really feel ready to talk about how you feel, you’ll know and it will just happen. That doesn’t meet put it off for 8 months because you’re worried he’ll think you’re clingy.  But, don’t bring it up until you’ve decided this is someone you want to explore in a more long-term way. Calm down, I don’t mean that kind of long term, I mean exclusively date.  If you think you can bring this up after a 4th or 5th date, drive yourself to the closest mental institution (cus you’re fucking crazy). There’s no set time to have a conversation. Every relationship is different. You can’t use past experiences or someone else’s experiences to look for a clue for the “perfect time to talk.” There’s no perfect anything. So, stop that search before you start it. Just continue having fun and feel it out.

Can You Feel It

I’ll be the first to admit, you’re a tough critic, especially when it comes to the critique of your own actions and interactions. But, as part of your 2016 resolutions, you’ve absolved to let yourself off the leash. At 28, you’ve realized you’ve grown significantly since your early 20’s, but with maturity comes humility. You’ll be the first to admit that you’re just scratching the surface as you slowly pave your ever evolving life path.  By the way, the road to personal and financial success (which can never be measured through monetization) is far from straight and narrow. But, as you soldier along, you push yourself to create or attend events/situations where you can meet and learn from those further along the road.

I will never forget the day your Dad, Jason, dropped you off at Encino summer camp. As a child you were very shy. But, eager to fit in, you wanted your father to introduce you to the other kids attending your summer program. As you clung to your father’s leg, your Dad (whose 6’4) dropped down to your eye level. He didn’t coddle you or shun you. But, he refused to make an introduction. If you wanted to meet the other kids, all you needed to do was muster the courage to walk over and say hello (by yourself). It was a small moment that shaped such a big part of your character.

Life is riddled with obstacles. But, if you want something, you’re the person who needs to make it happen. Both of your parents have taught you how to find opportunity in seemingly inopportune moments. So to bring this back to the original catalyst of this post, you now work for a media company headquartered in Chicago. As much as you love your shift into the brand space, your co-workers are based in Chicago. As a result, you feel isolated. But, you learned from a young age that the best way to change a situation is to fix it (or at least try to remedy what you have control over). So given your tenacious nature, you researched co-office working facilities. You gave a compelling argument on why it was a necessary remedy to your predicament and won. As a consequence of your immersion into a co-working facility, you got the opportunity to attend an event where you met the CEO of a major international ad agency as well as the CEO of a thriving production company.

The lesson you learned years ago from your father quailed your fears about making any introductions. You forced yourself to ask a question during the panel as well introduce yourself  to both CEOs. But, this post isn’t about your commitment to courage it’s about your commitment to evolving. Both of these entrepreneur’s professional success is predicated by their dedication to (authentic) emotion. The presentation included example content which effortlessly infused a range of emotion into every storyline. As a result, you felt disappointed in your own work.

Then, when you went to introduce yourself to the CEO of the ad agency, you felt yourself turn on. You didn’t know how to turn off, your nerves took over. Subconsciously, you wanted to try to be memorable,  but that’s the worst way to go about anything. You just have to be yourself. Anyways, he is a successful man rooted in honest interactions. He’s not a man to respond to praise. His candor shocked you and you tried your best to shake your nerves throughout your 10 minute conversation. But, internally you berated yourself. As a highly critical person, I can say your conversation went well but you’re still learning. You need to give yourself a break, girl!!! As part of your dedication to evolving, you learned two valuable lessons.

  1. Content needs to evoke emotion. Not only does it need to evoke emotion, the emotion needs to feel familiar but also surprising. If you create content that lives on with a person after they’ve viewed it  then you’ve done your job.   As you  evolve as a storyteller, you  will strive to create compelling content. Ultimately, your goal is to evoke  emotion and fully immerse the viewer,  you want them to live in the feeling (so raw, it’s tangible).
  2. Interactions need to be rooted in authentic emotion. You relate to people because your honest (even if it means revealing your own shortcomings).  Tonight was a reminder to always just be real, don’t ever try to be something else, it doesn’t work.  Also,  flattery is devoid of emotion. Success is rooted in pain, struggle, highs and lows (all tangible feelings that are universally relatable). Also- tonight was another great reminder that success doesn’t have to make you a douche. Be kind and open always. Both CEOs (who run multi-millionaire dollar companies) were compassionate, humble and kind.

RESOLVING TO RESOLUTE

Lu, happy 2016!  I know we’ve taken a little break. Sometimes, you just need some space to think. Every time I write you a letter, I want to give you something. Sometimes it’s just a detailed memory other times it’s food for thought. Typically, I enjoy writing about dating because dating stories are universally relatable. Lately, I don’t feel the need to recount dates. Everyone you are talking to at the moment feels transient so no need to dive in or discuss. When you’re in a good place, things tend to come together. When it comes to your career, you’re always striving to progress to the next step or increase your skill set. As you push yourself in this coming year, I want you to focus less on financial success but rather focus on present goals while working your way towards the big picture. Sometimes we got so blinded by our own ambition that we forget to be present in our current situation. You’re still building the foundation of your life, so it’s ok if its not perfect right now.

I’ll let you in on a secret Lu, life is never going to be perfect. Leave room for change. Sometimes your dreams or your life changes and that’s ok. Give yourself room to explore friendships, relationships and passions.  You can’t know if you love something or hate something unless you try it. If it doesn’t work out, it will be fine. Give yourself obtainable goals. Be open to different opinions or new opportunities. Appreciate everything you have now. Your life may never be perfect but you’ve worked hard to maintain a great relationship with your family and have continued to garner wonderful memories with unforgettable friends. Cherish these moments. Life can change in an instant. The key to being happy is savoring these moments. Finesse your skills. Learn more about budgets, read more, ask questions, continue to speak up on calls, go to more meetings–all of these things are part of the building blocks that will make you successful. Remember that happiness is a choice and continue to choose to be happy. Acknowledge your feelings. Please continue to be honest with yourself about your emotions but don’t overindulge in any for sympathy. Always trust your gut. You can lie to yourself all you want but the only person your hurting is you, so what’s the point?

Also, try not to indulge in comparisons. In the words of Kanye West, 23b9d81304a4db6787cb433ea2f71a11

One of your biggest guilty pleasures is comparing. You’re human so you will have the compulsion to click on your ex-fling’s current fling’s social media page or find yourself perusing some model’s life on Instagram—when you get there, close the tab. Don’t worry about what other people are doing, just go live your life. Most importantly, always have faith and hope. Don’t expect the world to hand you everything you want in life. Do the work and trust that it will take you where you need to go. Keep enjoying all the wonderful things you’ve already received in this life. Don’t forget, a lot can happen in one year. I’m ready for the next chapter 2016.

DATING DESERT

So you’re probably wondering Lu–why haven’t you posted about dates recently? Well, you are in a dating desert. That’s right, a desert with no end in sight.  The last time you went on a date was in October. A month ago.  You’ll go on two dates with this guy. On the second date, he’ll insist on taking you to dinner. He’ll go fishing before the date. He’ll drop his phone in the ocean (#oops). He’ll manage to get a new one right before he picks you up. Once inside the confines of his car, he’ll seem frazzled. He’ll note that he hasn’t connected with his parents in several hours. He’s worried they’ll send a helicopter looking for the remains of his body.  He’ll reveal that at 35 years old, he still talks to both his parents several times a day. Look, you talk to your Mom a lot, but she doesn’t check in with you hourly (that’s psychotic). Then, throughout the entire dinner, he’ll complain of being seasick.  You’ll ask him, several times, if he wants to cancel and head home. He’ll insist on staying. You’ll awkwardly try to maintain conversation with someone who keeps telling you that you look like you’re moving. On his drive home, he’ll tell you that he can’t wait to call his mom. He’s never been seasick on a date before. He’ll confess you’ve made it to the number two slot of his most awkward dates (what an honor). His last major dating disaster, besides almost puking on you at dinner, was a date in high school (probably his most recent date since this one). After this experience, you’ll be fed up.

Look you are far from perfect…. but how many more assholes, weirdos and mismatches are you going to have to go through?! Dating in LA is tough.  You’ll try hanging with different crowds, going to different events, changing up your bar scene, downloading, deleting and then downloading (again) dating apps. You can’t foresee the future but you’re not actually worried about ending up alone. But, fuck, dating is rough. You know, deep down, you will forever cherish these dating blunders. As you write them, you laugh. But, why is it so hard to find a quality partner? Does the advent of apps make it harder to focus on developing relationships with one partner? Does the beauty of LA hinder the true beauty of people’s characters? Even when you’re all in, it’s not like you’ve made it to some magical green pasture. Even the most wonderful relationships take work. When you’re old, wrinkley and still dressing fly as fuck –the guy sitting next to you, in his wheelchair, better be spitting some jokes not his best Tinder lines. In a city, where 20’s and 30’s are your new glory years how do you navigate finding a lasting relationship?

Lu, sometimes in life you won’t have all the answers. You just have to have faith.

The Other Side of Fear

Happy anniversary boo. Lu, we’ve been together for a year. Can you believe it? I told myself I would start a blog and here we are a year later. I’m writing to an imaginary character (cue the crazy train). But, Lu, you’ve become a tangible fictional character. You force me to face myself. I write about stories/feelings that make me laugh, make me cringe, make me cry and most importantly make me proud (yeah, we go HAM on the emotions here). You encourage me to be a better person. You give me a platform where I can unabashedly be myself. You’re the one person I can’t evade.

In all honesty, the titles serve as a rough guideline for my posts– the feelings and progression of the stories unfold organically onto the computer screen. Sometimes, I dig deep into a feeling to get to the finish line. Other times, I have more defined touch points I express quickly before posting online. But, in every post, you force me to explore my own timeline. You unearth emotions I never knew existed. At times, I’m embarrassed or momentarily ashamed when I read my emotions spelled out on the page. There’s time when I contemplate deleting posts but you encourage me to celebrate myself (not just my victories but my failures/struggles as well). You dispel my own concerns about outside perceptions, giving me the courage to be more confident in all aspects of my life (I am forever grateful for you Lu).

People always talk about finding their passion but your passion is an inherent part of who you are.  It’s  just about taking the time to recognize what drives you (for every person it’s different, but I promise, if you listen, it’s there). Ever since I can remember I’ve loved constructing stories. Whether they were elaborate fairy tales I manifested in my mind to nurse myself to sleep or rehashing my personal faux pas’ with co-workers/friends, I’ve always loved crafting a narrative (whether real or fiction). I’ve spent countless hours watching characters evolve on screen or lost myself in blog posts online. I never thought I could start my own blog or write the stories I wanted to hear (professionally and personally). But, one day, I started and never looked back. Thank you for letting me live out my passion every single day. I’ve finally crossed the other side of fear.

 

PROMISE TO PROSPER

Personally, you think it’s unsavory to write about people who’ve wronged you in a professional capacity. You love to believe in the cosmic power of karma. Let’s be honest –writing about these people gives them a sense of power. But, I do think it’s impactful to share an experience about a universal issue many women face in the workforce. One of your first jobs was at talent agency. As an attractive female, months out of college, walking into a talent agency (in my experience) was like walking into the lion’s den. For the most part, the flirtations were playful and harmless. But, there was one experience that went way too far. At the time, you found it comical. But, in retrospect, you realized this experience expedited a departure from a company at times you really enjoyed, created friction in your romantic relationship and forced you to negate your own moral compass to stay “in the industry.”

So here’s the story:

You were working for two agents at a talent agency, taking on an extremely high volume desk.  There wasn’t an increase in compensation, although you were doing double the work. So you’ll ask your bosses for a raise. But, they’ll need to run it by your department head (who is a notorious piece of shit). At an agency, you listen in to all your bosses calls. You learn the ins and outs of the industry by hearing your bosses spit their best game. You LOVED listening in on their calls. Way better than that Instagram shit. Especially, when one of your bosses is literally one the funniest people you have ever met. C$ (your cool boss) would rap in the phonesheet, share embarrassing but endearing life stories –inviting you into his comical world but would also disseminate life advice in a relatable way that wasn’t intimidating or distance from your own life experiences. It goes without saying that you spent most of your days cry laughing (he was that funny).

So, one afternoon, your other boss (the NOT funny one) will be on a call with your department head and finally bring up the issue of getting you a raise. I’m not sure why he didn’t tell you drop off, so you stayed on.

So your department head, will pause before he spits out:

Department Head: “Sure. I’ll give her a raise…if she lets me titty fuck her first.”

Your Douche Boss: Silence (With your seating arrangement, you will be facing your boss when you hear this horrifying response. You’ll both just sit in silence and stare at each other with your mouth’s wide open.)

Department Head: “Hello? Is she on the line? OMG, she is on the line? Please don’t sue me. Please don’t sue me!”

You:  You just started laughing

Then, you had to watch this department head walk down the office halls (towards you) and you felt sick. He literally went straight into your bosses’ office, crawled into a fetal position, stuck his head in a cardboard box and rocked back and forth as he shouted, “Please don’t sue me,” on repeat.

You’ll complain to your other boss – He’ll burst out laughing. He’ll encourage you to see the silver lining. You have the department head by the balls. But, you didn’t. Your douche boss will tell you not a say word–your department head could ruin you career. So, after crying to your boyfriend at the time, you went home.

You never got a raise. You never told HR. You felt powerless. Your department head would avoid you like the plague and you would try to avoid him as well. Your chance of promotion or internal growth was completely shot. You left the company shortly after.

So do you think it’s a funny story? You’d be lying if you said no (I mean I watched a grown man rock back and forth in a fetal position on the floor—it’s a crowd pleaser). But, when you reflect on the ramifications of the incident, it’s looses its glimmer. You remember the stomach churning you felt everyday fearful of running into him. You remember the fear of anyone finding out. Would he really destroy your career?  Sexual harassment is real and it’s fucking uncomfortable. I don’t care how funny it may seem or how it happens and I am fucking funny person.

No one should ever threaten your career because they acted inappropriately. Period. End of story.

SAY MY NAME

Lu, I love you and all, but  your posts have been SO Sensitive Sally lately. Girl, I know your love is as a deep as the ocean. Boy, do I love you for it. But, it’s time to bring LEW out to play. You are fierce as fuck. You just turned 28 and you rang in the new year and new you like a BOSS (DUH). You made all your friends dress up in theme (per usual) while you stuffed your face with Korean BBQ deliciousness and pranced around a private karaoke room in a pink wig. You know what? You LOVED it. You rocked that pink wig like it was a new trend breaking the Internet. Shit, if your Instagram was public, you would be on the front page of Star Magazine right next to Kim Kardashian’s booty (ok, maybe overshadowed by her butt, but you get the point).

Every year, when our birthdays come around, we reflect on our past year’s decisions. Do I have the job I want? Did I finally find “the one?” Do my true friends consistently like all my Instagram posts? Are my parents going to get me all 65 items on my birthday list and pay for my recent car repair? You know, the important stuff. This is the first year where you didn’t feel remorseful, ashamed, upset, disappointed etc. You felt proud, you felt confident and you felt so fucking happy. If someone told you the end of the world was coming, you would ask if you could bring your glass of champagne to hell with you. You hope to live many more wonderful years on this planet, but you are so sure of who you are that you have ZERO regrets.

Do you know what happened this year? You got fired. That’s right, the girl who prides herself on her intelligence, got fired. You know what? Getting fired by a bad person doesn’t make you less smart. So, did you fall in a hole and die or get exiled to a new planet where people have to wear protective suits to be near you? NO, BITCH. You got your life back. You travelled. You changed your career path. You got yourself promoted and now you have a job you truly love. A job where you are challenged, respected, appreciated and truly part of a team. You started this blog, a dream that felt so unobtainable until you sat down and started writing. You threw MANY themed parties. You’ve continued to build relationships with people who go out with you on Saturday night but pick up the phone Sunday morning. These people make your world so wonderful and bright that you can’t even articulate how special your friends and family make you feel. You met a guy who opened your eyes–  who reminded you that you aren’t scared to take a leap a faith. But, he also showed you your strength. You’re not scared to fight for what you want or walk away from people who give you less than you deserve. You recognized how special you make people feel and how special you are. There is no other LEW on this planet. It’s just you and you’re going to rock this shit HARD. Even when you are rolling around in a wheelchair, you will be inviting your friends to themed parties and making people laugh  until a nurse brings a bedpan because they just pissed themselves (because you are that fucking funny and they are that fucking old). So 28, bring it. You’re not scared of anything or anyone anymore. For the people who have walked into your life and stayed, thank you for making my world so luminous. For those who have left your life or you’ve personally booted, BYE FELICIA. I want this whole world to feel the impact of my influence, so say my name bitch because I’m not going anywhere.

Sage advice and true-life tales from a 20-something to her childhood self