FLYING WITH PEASANTS

This is going to be hard to hear Lu, so I really hope you’re sitting down. You aren’t going to marry Prince William. Take a minute to collect yourself, I know this is rough. He’s going to fall in love with a British girl he met in college. You’ll only excuse it because she’s almost as stylish as you. There’s still time, Prince Harry is single. I know red heads aren’t your thing, but he has significantly more hair than William. Don’t lose hope!

In your none fantasy version of life, you will date a British guy, but it won’t work out. You will have an on and off relationship for five years which will come to an end after a wonderful trip to London. He’ll meet you in Barcelona (you’re so cultured, I know) and you guys will fly together to London. You’ll stay at some swanky hotel, that you won’t remember the name of, and then you’ll go to high tea at a Lord’s house (also known as his Grandfather). Make sure you let Prince Harry know you have plenty of experience with royalty when you meet him, ok? Promise me! Anyways, you’ve met the Lord before and he’s a tough sell and by tough sell, I mean he’s a pompous loser who knighted his way into royalty. You’ll sit down and he’ll begin grilling you about your life. “Why didn’t you go to an IVY League?” “Why would you waste your major on communications?” Then, it will rapidly go down hill. He’ll ask you how you got there. You’ll tell him you flew. He’ll ask, “What class did you fly?” You’ll tell him coach. Then he’ll look you square in the eye and blurt out – “Oh, so you like flying with peasants?” For the first time in your life, you’ll actually be speechless.

Last time you checked the term peasants died with cholera in the 1800s. The Lord had no compassion for anyone. Yes, you still fly coach and you are damn proud of it and sometimes you even get free upgrades (humble brag.) Lu, I know it sounds good to say that you are dating a guy who has royal family, trust me, it sounds awesome. But, having high tea with an asshole is overrated. It would be an awesome Instagram (it’s an app with photos, you’re addicted) post at best, but you don’t want to live with someone who treats you like a peasant. Your Dad will tell you multiple times throughout this relationship, that, “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”- trust me it never does and definitely didn’t for this relationship. It’s in this moment you’ll realize you’ll never marry someone for their money. It goes without saying that you ended your five-year relationship after this trip.

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