At this point, you’ve probably figured out that you go to the best elementary school in the universe. The weirder you are the better. You are the only aspiring gemologist in your class of 12. You may or may not find the heart of the ocean, so just keep dreaming. I also want to compliment your impressive sock collection. Don’t worry, you still wear the most stylish socks EVER as an adult. Whoever told you pugs socks will go out of style is a LIAR. You’re awesome as an adult but your childhood was golden. You should be proud that you are almost never an asshole. It’s hard in a city of third timers (I’ll explain later) to not become a douchebag. As an adult, you have much thicker skin, you finally don’t say sorry for everything and you will be so happy you were nice to the kid who played with ants.

So there’s an ant kid at your school. I know you already know this. You love him but he loves ants more. Instead of playing with kids at recess, he spends the majority of his time playing with and conversing with the ants. Everyone did it, sometimes, totally normal. Except, one time you did the unthinkable. You stepped on Martha (she’s an ant.) Note to self- don’t try balancing your lunch while hula hooping at the same time. Ant kid, he’s devastated, and you feel horrible. You will give up dodgeball to attend the funeral, which will consist of an impressive 100 attendees (you, ant kid and the ants of course). The procession is longer than expected and you will be asked to give the eulogy. You will take a moment to reflect on Martha’s life and really hit the high notes of her legacy. When ant kid graduates (he’s older) you will never speak to him again.

Then, one day, while you are sitting at your office desk, skimming Deadline, (the holy grail for anyone in the industry) you will see ant kid’s name in the headline. He just sold his second script for 2 million and you will reread the headline ten times before the reality sinks in. You won’t reach out, but you know if you ever did, you will always be welcomed. You never questioned his quirks and you nailed an eulogy at the impressive age of 10. Lu, I don’t want you to ever be ashamed of who you are. Ant kid owned his weirdness and he’s a millionaire. Don’t want you to get confused with the message here, no you are not a millionaire…yet. The point is -you have so many people who love you because you own who you are and more importantly you love you (kinda a weird amount, but that’s cool.) Never be ashamed of wanting to be a gemologist, being obsessed with “Keeping Up with Kardashians” or being the basic bitch who drops it like it’s hot at every party. Do you boo, always.

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