PROMISE TO PROSPER

Personally, you think it’s unsavory to write about people who’ve wronged you in a professional capacity. You love to believe in the cosmic power of karma. Let’s be honest –writing about these people gives them a sense of power. But, I do think it’s impactful to share an experience about a universal issue many women face in the workforce. One of your first jobs was at talent agency. As an attractive female, months out of college, walking into a talent agency (in my experience) was like walking into the lion’s den. For the most part, the flirtations were playful and harmless. But, there was one experience that went way too far. At the time, you found it comical. But, in retrospect, you realized this experience expedited a departure from a company at times you really enjoyed, created friction in your romantic relationship and forced you to negate your own moral compass to stay “in the industry.”

So here’s the story:

You were working for two agents at a talent agency, taking on an extremely high volume desk.  There wasn’t an increase in compensation, although you were doing double the work. So you’ll ask your bosses for a raise. But, they’ll need to run it by your department head (who is a notorious piece of shit). At an agency, you listen in to all your bosses calls. You learn the ins and outs of the industry by hearing your bosses spit their best game. You LOVED listening in on their calls. Way better than that Instagram shit. Especially, when one of your bosses is literally one the funniest people you have ever met. C$ (your cool boss) would rap in the phonesheet, share embarrassing but endearing life stories –inviting you into his comical world but would also disseminate life advice in a relatable way that wasn’t intimidating or distance from your own life experiences. It goes without saying that you spent most of your days cry laughing (he was that funny).

So, one afternoon, your other boss (the NOT funny one) will be on a call with your department head and finally bring up the issue of getting you a raise. I’m not sure why he didn’t tell you drop off, so you stayed on.

So your department head, will pause before he spits out:

Department Head: “Sure. I’ll give her a raise…if she lets me titty fuck her first.”

Your Douche Boss: Silence (With your seating arrangement, you will be facing your boss when you hear this horrifying response. You’ll both just sit in silence and stare at each other with your mouth’s wide open.)

Department Head: “Hello? Is she on the line? OMG, she is on the line? Please don’t sue me. Please don’t sue me!”

You:  You just started laughing

Then, you had to watch this department head walk down the office halls (towards you) and you felt sick. He literally went straight into your bosses’ office, crawled into a fetal position, stuck his head in a cardboard box and rocked back and forth as he shouted, “Please don’t sue me,” on repeat.

You’ll complain to your other boss – He’ll burst out laughing. He’ll encourage you to see the silver lining. You have the department head by the balls. But, you didn’t. Your douche boss will tell you not a say word–your department head could ruin you career. So, after crying to your boyfriend at the time, you went home.

You never got a raise. You never told HR. You felt powerless. Your department head would avoid you like the plague and you would try to avoid him as well. Your chance of promotion or internal growth was completely shot. You left the company shortly after.

So do you think it’s a funny story? You’d be lying if you said no (I mean I watched a grown man rock back and forth in a fetal position on the floor—it’s a crowd pleaser). But, when you reflect on the ramifications of the incident, it’s looses its glimmer. You remember the stomach churning you felt everyday fearful of running into him. You remember the fear of anyone finding out. Would he really destroy your career?  Sexual harassment is real and it’s fucking uncomfortable. I don’t care how funny it may seem or how it happens and I am fucking funny person.

No one should ever threaten your career because they acted inappropriately. Period. End of story.

SAY MY NAME

Lu, I love you and all, but  your posts have been SO Sensitive Sally lately. Girl, I know your love is as a deep as the ocean. Boy, do I love you for it. But, it’s time to bring LEW out to play. You are fierce as fuck. You just turned 28 and you rang in the new year and new you like a BOSS (DUH). You made all your friends dress up in theme (per usual) while you stuffed your face with Korean BBQ deliciousness and pranced around a private karaoke room in a pink wig. You know what? You LOVED it. You rocked that pink wig like it was a new trend breaking the Internet. Shit, if your Instagram was public, you would be on the front page of Star Magazine right next to Kim Kardashian’s booty (ok, maybe overshadowed by her butt, but you get the point).

Every year, when our birthdays come around, we reflect on our past year’s decisions. Do I have the job I want? Did I finally find “the one?” Do my true friends consistently like all my Instagram posts? Are my parents going to get me all 65 items on my birthday list and pay for my recent car repair? You know, the important stuff. This is the first year where you didn’t feel remorseful, ashamed, upset, disappointed etc. You felt proud, you felt confident and you felt so fucking happy. If someone told you the end of the world was coming, you would ask if you could bring your glass of champagne to hell with you. You hope to live many more wonderful years on this planet, but you are so sure of who you are that you have ZERO regrets.

Do you know what happened this year? You got fired. That’s right, the girl who prides herself on her intelligence, got fired. You know what? Getting fired by a bad person doesn’t make you less smart. So, did you fall in a hole and die or get exiled to a new planet where people have to wear protective suits to be near you? NO, BITCH. You got your life back. You travelled. You changed your career path. You got yourself promoted and now you have a job you truly love. A job where you are challenged, respected, appreciated and truly part of a team. You started this blog, a dream that felt so unobtainable until you sat down and started writing. You threw MANY themed parties. You’ve continued to build relationships with people who go out with you on Saturday night but pick up the phone Sunday morning. These people make your world so wonderful and bright that you can’t even articulate how special your friends and family make you feel. You met a guy who opened your eyes–  who reminded you that you aren’t scared to take a leap a faith. But, he also showed you your strength. You’re not scared to fight for what you want or walk away from people who give you less than you deserve. You recognized how special you make people feel and how special you are. There is no other LEW on this planet. It’s just you and you’re going to rock this shit HARD. Even when you are rolling around in a wheelchair, you will be inviting your friends to themed parties and making people laugh  until a nurse brings a bedpan because they just pissed themselves (because you are that fucking funny and they are that fucking old). So 28, bring it. You’re not scared of anything or anyone anymore. For the people who have walked into your life and stayed, thank you for making my world so luminous. For those who have left your life or you’ve personally booted, BYE FELICIA. I want this whole world to feel the impact of my influence, so say my name bitch because I’m not going anywhere.

I CAN’T FEEL MY FACE WHEN I’M WITH YOU AND I DON’T LOVE IT

Dramatic title, but I’ve got your attention. Lu, you’re a strong and independent person. You don’t take shit from anybody. You’re officially a #bossbitch and when you end things you mean it. You’re friendly, but you know when to lay down the law. When it comes to dating, you’re pragmatic. You trust your gut. You seamlessly end any situation that doesn’t serve you. If anyone treats you like less than a prize– their history. You’re an extremely loving person. For a person with such an open heart, you don’t give it up easily. But, there’s one person who still gets under your skin.

When you see them, you see yourself change. He always sells you his story. His perfectly crafted pitch showcases his vulnerability but also highlights his personal accolades like noble prizes– prizes that overshadow any mention of your own achievements. You’ll share a weird evening and car ride together — connecting for the first time in years. During your two and half hour joy ride, you’ll listen as he reveals his personal benchmarks, explores his concerns and dissects his fears. You’ll instinctively feel this need to protect him. His demons scare you –you feel them weave in and out his manicured monologue. Instantly you cave. In a moment of your own insecurity, an insecurity he builds by inflating his own ego by destroying yours, you’ll offer a security–a security you instantly regret. You’ll hate yourself for being vulnerable– for expressing kindness to a person who thrives on your own misery. Your act of kindness makes you feel sick. You gave up a pawn on the checkerboard of life — you can’t forgive yourself. You hyper focus on this one chess piece instead of seeing the big picture. You see, you still have plenty of pieces left on the board. This player is no longer an active participant in your life.

I want to remind you that being kind does not make you weak– it makes you human. People who make you feel frail for being generous are shitty people. This is why anyone who makes you feel this way is no longer a permanent piece on your board of life. I want you to forgive yourself for being sweet to a person who doesn’t deserve even a glance in their direction. Being a compassionate person makes you strong NOT weak. But just remember, that piece is no longer on your board. SO, focus on the people in the squares not the ones on the sidelines. Don’t EVER hate yourself for having good character—it’ s what makes you so strong to begin with. I’m proud of you and I love you always Lu.