I CAN’T FEEL MY FACE WHEN I’M WITH YOU AND I DON’T LOVE IT

Dramatic title, but I’ve got your attention. Lu, you’re a strong and independent person. You don’t take shit from anybody. You’re officially a #bossbitch and when you end things you mean it. You’re friendly, but you know when to lay down the law. When it comes to dating, you’re pragmatic. You trust your gut. You seamlessly end any situation that doesn’t serve you. If anyone treats you like less than a prize– their history. You’re an extremely loving person. For a person with such an open heart, you don’t give it up easily. But, there’s one person who still gets under your skin.

When you see them, you see yourself change. He always sells you his story. His perfectly crafted pitch showcases his vulnerability but also highlights his personal accolades like noble prizes– prizes that overshadow any mention of your own achievements. You’ll share a weird evening and car ride together — connecting for the first time in years. During your two and half hour joy ride, you’ll listen as he reveals his personal benchmarks, explores his concerns and dissects his fears. You’ll instinctively feel this need to protect him. His demons scare you –you feel them weave in and out his manicured monologue. Instantly you cave. In a moment of your own insecurity, an insecurity he builds by inflating his own ego by destroying yours, you’ll offer a security–a security you instantly regret. You’ll hate yourself for being vulnerable– for expressing kindness to a person who thrives on your own misery. Your act of kindness makes you feel sick. You gave up a pawn on the checkerboard of life — you can’t forgive yourself. You hyper focus on this one chess piece instead of seeing the big picture. You see, you still have plenty of pieces left on the board. This player is no longer an active participant in your life.

I want to remind you that being kind does not make you weak– it makes you human. People who make you feel frail for being generous are shitty people. This is why anyone who makes you feel this way is no longer a permanent piece on your board of life. I want you to forgive yourself for being sweet to a person who doesn’t deserve even a glance in their direction. Being a compassionate person makes you strong NOT weak. But just remember, that piece is no longer on your board. SO, focus on the people in the squares not the ones on the sidelines. Don’t EVER hate yourself for having good character—it’ s what makes you so strong to begin with. I’m proud of you and I love you always Lu.

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