So you’re probably wondering Lu–why haven’t you posted about dates recently? Well, you are in a dating desert. That’s right, a desert with no end in sight.  The last time you went on a date was in October. A month ago.  You’ll go on two dates with this guy. On the second date, he’ll insist on taking you to dinner. He’ll go fishing before the date. He’ll drop his phone in the ocean (#oops). He’ll manage to get a new one right before he picks you up. Once inside the confines of his car, he’ll seem frazzled. He’ll note that he hasn’t connected with his parents in several hours. He’s worried they’ll send a helicopter looking for the remains of his body.  He’ll reveal that at 35 years old, he still talks to both his parents several times a day. Look, you talk to your Mom a lot, but she doesn’t check in with you hourly (that’s psychotic). Then, throughout the entire dinner, he’ll complain of being seasick.  You’ll ask him, several times, if he wants to cancel and head home. He’ll insist on staying. You’ll awkwardly try to maintain conversation with someone who keeps telling you that you look like you’re moving. On his drive home, he’ll tell you that he can’t wait to call his mom. He’s never been seasick on a date before. He’ll confess you’ve made it to the number two slot of his most awkward dates (what an honor). His last major dating disaster, besides almost puking on you at dinner, was a date in high school (probably his most recent date since this one). After this experience, you’ll be fed up.

Look you are far from perfect…. but how many more assholes, weirdos and mismatches are you going to have to go through?! Dating in LA is tough.  You’ll try hanging with different crowds, going to different events, changing up your bar scene, downloading, deleting and then downloading (again) dating apps. You can’t foresee the future but you’re not actually worried about ending up alone. But, fuck, dating is rough. You know, deep down, you will forever cherish these dating blunders. As you write them, you laugh. But, why is it so hard to find a quality partner? Does the advent of apps make it harder to focus on developing relationships with one partner? Does the beauty of LA hinder the true beauty of people’s characters? Even when you’re all in, it’s not like you’ve made it to some magical green pasture. Even the most wonderful relationships take work. When you’re old, wrinkley and still dressing fly as fuck –the guy sitting next to you, in his wheelchair, better be spitting some jokes not his best Tinder lines. In a city, where 20’s and 30’s are your new glory years how do you navigate finding a lasting relationship?

Lu, sometimes in life you won’t have all the answers. You just have to have faith.

The Other Side of Fear

Happy anniversary boo. Lu, we’ve been together for a year. Can you believe it? I told myself I would start a blog and here we are a year later. I’m writing to an imaginary character (cue the crazy train). But, Lu, you’ve become a tangible fictional character. You force me to face myself. I write about stories/feelings that make me laugh, make me cringe, make me cry and most importantly make me proud (yeah, we go HAM on the emotions here). You encourage me to be a better person. You give me a platform where I can unabashedly be myself. You’re the one person I can’t evade.

In all honesty, the titles serve as a rough guideline for my posts– the feelings and progression of the stories unfold organically onto the computer screen. Sometimes, I dig deep into a feeling to get to the finish line. Other times, I have more defined touch points I express quickly before posting online. But, in every post, you force me to explore my own timeline. You unearth emotions I never knew existed. At times, I’m embarrassed or momentarily ashamed when I read my emotions spelled out on the page. There’s time when I contemplate deleting posts but you encourage me to celebrate myself (not just my victories but my failures/struggles as well). You dispel my own concerns about outside perceptions, giving me the courage to be more confident in all aspects of my life (I am forever grateful for you Lu).

People always talk about finding their passion but your passion is an inherent part of who you are.  It’s  just about taking the time to recognize what drives you (for every person it’s different, but I promise, if you listen, it’s there). Ever since I can remember I’ve loved constructing stories. Whether they were elaborate fairy tales I manifested in my mind to nurse myself to sleep or rehashing my personal faux pas’ with co-workers/friends, I’ve always loved crafting a narrative (whether real or fiction). I’ve spent countless hours watching characters evolve on screen or lost myself in blog posts online. I never thought I could start my own blog or write the stories I wanted to hear (professionally and personally). But, one day, I started and never looked back. Thank you for letting me live out my passion every single day. I’ve finally crossed the other side of fear.