So Lu, your first real job will be at a talent agency in Beverly Hills. You will have two bosses, one you love and the other will sexually harass you, but we can dive into that later. You will sit in front of another assistant who will become one of your best friends. She will go on to become a rock star agent boasting some of the biggest names in music as her clients #killingit. This girl will be a fellow valley girl and you will mutually fall in love with each other (in a totally non-lesbian way.) She will take you to countless shows, mansion parties, after parties, studio parties, backstage parties etc. You name it-you’ve done it. But, I digress. One night, your rock star agent friend will text you and invite you to a party at a rapper’s house. This rapper started in TV but BLEW UP as a rapper, that’s my only hint. However, this party will be on a work night and you will be hesitant to go. Your roomie will tell you that you can’t miss this once in a lifetime opportunity and you both will quickly change into your best slutty/classy outfit AKA a blouse and jeans (so, not slutty at all.) You’ll drop off your car in a parking lot and a white van will be waiting to escort you to the property. You will be seated in a car packed with soon-to-be or current sidepieces (who are all just wearing bathing suits) and shuttled up to the estate. You will walk up to the mansion and you will DIE (you will come back to life…eventually.)
Once inside the property, there will be bars stocked with your favorite booze, a buffet lined with every BBQ bite you could imagine and there will be HOES everywhere. Girls will be twerking their booties and dropping it like it’s hot, hoping to win over the rapper. Now this rapper will be standing, sipping on water, carrying on with one of the members of his team, not even glancing at the girl shoving her bootie in everyone’s face. You will begin to wonder, why isn’t he even looking?! Hello, this girl is DTF. Then you’ll realize he’s fucking a rapper. He can date ANYONE he wants. He can throw a party and then leave that shit. BTW, he did, he left an hour later. One day I hope I am that badass. I invite a bunch of basic ass hoes to a party, get my rapper and actor friends to show up and then LEAVE THAT SHIT. Now, that’s how you ball hard. He didn’t even drink at his own fucking party, like you bad, boo, you bad. After he leaves you will walk the premises. I wish I could reveal the details, but it was the coolest house you have ever been to. You will walk in on two people having sex in a pool chair, see some single rappers chilling in a hot tub with no joke 20 women and you will stand at the top of the hill overlooking the party/mansion realizing your life isn’t too terrible.